What to Do When Friends & Family Don’t Get Gifted

gtchat 12072017 Friends

Any parent of a gifted child will tell you friends and family can unfortunately make a difficult situation worse with insensitive comments. There are strategies available to mitigate negative comments and actions.

Varying abilities can play a role in family dynamics. When talking about abilities, all family members should be considered; parents as well as siblings. It’s fairly common to have a range of abilities within the same family. Issues may arise between gifted and highly gifted or twice-exceptional siblings. If parents present as 2E or highly gifted, it can also make a difference.

There are times when a child’s giftedness will become more of an issue than normal. These can include the first day of school, school transitions, or graduation when a child has been accelerated and age differences are accentuated. Holidays involving extended family also make for tense situations at a time when sensitivities are already on overload.

Insensitive comments can come from both friends and strangers. Hopefully, very young children do not hear them because most often they will understand the intent. It helps to talk about what it means to be gifted with the child; not ‘better than’, but ‘better at.’ (Delisle)

There are strategies parents can use to respond to envious comments from other adults. They can attempt to educate others about what giftedness is and isn’t. There were many resources shared during this chat and included in the links below. In the end, it may be in everyone’s best interest to ignore comments not made in the presence of the child.

Where can parents find support in resolving issues with friends and family? Initially, parents should look for support locally; either in the form of existing groups of gifted parents or by forming such a group. Most kids know who is in the gifted program at their school. Also, state and national gifted organizations have parent divisions. Well known groups supporting parents include SENG and Gifted Homeschoolers Forum. A transcript of this chat may be found at Storify.

Global #gtchat Powered by the Texas Association for the Gifted and Talented  is a weekly chat on Twitter. Join us Thursdays at 8E/7C/6M/5P in the U.S. and Fridays at 2 PM NZST/Noon AEST/1 AM UK  to discuss current topics in the gifted community and meet experts in the field. Transcripts of our weekly chats can be found at Storify. Our Facebook Page provides information on the chat and news and information regarding the gifted community. Also, checkout our Pinterest Page and Playlist on YouTube.

Head Shot 2014-07-14  About the authorLisa Conrad is the Moderator of Global #gtchat Powered by TAGT and Social Media Manager of the Global #gtchat Community. She is a longtime  advocate for gifted children and also blogs at  Gifted Parenting Support. Lisa can be contacted at: gtchatmod@gmail.com

Links:

My Child is Gifted and I Can’t Talk about Him

The Truth about ‘Gifted’ Versus High-Achieving Students

Why You Still Don’t Believe That You’re Gifted

What Does Gifted Look Like? Clearing Up Your Confusion

Family Life with Gifted Children

Tips for Parents: How Gifted Children Impact the Family

Life in the Asynchronous Family

Off the Charts: Asynchrony and the Gifted Child (Amazon)

What I Want You to Know about my Gifted Son

10 Facts You May Not Know About Gifted Children But Should

What to Say (and What Not to Say) When You Meet the Parents of a Gifted Child

I’m Not Bragging When I Say My Child is Gifted

If This is a Gift, Can I Send it Back?: Surviving in the Land of the Gifted and Twice Exceptional (Amazon)

Envy and Your Gifted Child

Envy and Giftedness: Are We Underestimating the Effects of Envy?

My Child is Gifted: Do You Think I’m Bragging Now?

GHF Brochures

Sprite’s Site: Surviving the Holidays

Sprite’s Site: Surviving the Christmas Season

Sprite’s Site: I Love Christmas But …

Living with Gifted Children

Sprite’s Site: When Extended Family Don’t Get Giftedness

Are All Children Gifted?

Photo courtesy of Pixabay and Pixabay  CC0 Creative Commons

Graphic courtesy of Lisa Conrad

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Strategies for Coping with Impostor Syndrome

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What is Impostor Syndrome? It’s feeling like you’re going to be found out that you are a fraud. You can never accept or enjoy success or accomplishment. Impostor Syndrome is at the crux of social anxiety; always feeling inadequate. “At university, impostors realize that there are many exceptional people; their own talents and abilities are not atypical. Often dismiss own talents; conclude they’re stupid when not the very best.” (Clance, 1985)

“Impostor Syndrome is when you are (mistakenly) sure that soon it will be obvious to all that you do not really belong in the gifted group.” ~ Jo Freitag, Coordinator – Gifted Resources, Victoria, Australia

Impostor Syndrome can manifest in many different ways such as perfectionism, the person who doesn’t ask for help (go it alone), or setting oneself up as an expert. Impostors can be workaholics (if they just work hard enough, they’ll succeed) or the profoundly gifted (setting the bar even higher).

Those dealing with Impostor Syndrome experience a negative impact on their psychological well-being. Burnout, emotional exhaustion, loss of intrinsic motivation, poor achievement, including guilt and shame about success are reinforced by the Impostor Cycle (Chrisman et al., 1995).

“I see a lot of the self-deprecating imposters. People that talk down about themselves to beat you to it.” ~ Kate Faulkner, Intervention and Enrichment Coordinator for Elementary Science in Sugar Land, TX.

How can family dynamics affect Impostor Syndrome? Family messages about the importance of being naturally intelligent are assumed to influence ambitions and expectations of Impostors from early childhood. (Clance ’85) Impostors have a strong need to please (Bussotti,‘90); may cause children to alter their behavior to prevent loss of affection from parents (Clance,‘85).

“Giftedness manifests in many ways. Some siblings’ gifts fit the academic paradigm, while others’ gifts may go unrecognized.” Jeffrey Farley,M.Ed.,  Principal of Odom Academy, Beaumont ISD, TX.

Perfectionism is a trait that is believed to have a marked impact on the development and maintenance of impostor fears. Impostors set “excessively high, unrealistic goals & then experience self-defeating thoughts and behaviors when they can’t reach those goals” (Kets de Vries, ’05).

There are coping strategies that can be used to overcome Impostor Syndrome. Realize you’re not alone. Many experience Impostor Syndrome; few talk about it. Consider a mentor. If you or someone you know feel overcome by Impostor Syndrome, seek professional help. A transcript of this chat can be found at Storify.

Global #gtchat Powered by the Texas Association for the Gifted and Talented  is a weekly chat on Twitter. Join us Thursdays at 8E/7C/6M/5P in the U.S. and Fridays at 2 PM NZST/Noon AEST/1 AM UK  to discuss current topics in the gifted community and meet experts in the field. Transcripts of our weekly chats can be found at Storify. Our Facebook Page provides information on the chat and news and information regarding the gifted community. Also, checkout our Pinterest Page and Playlist on YouTube.

Head Shot 2014-07-14  About the authorLisa Conrad is the Moderator of Global #gtchat Powered by TAGT and Social Media Manager of the Global #gtchat Community. She is a longtime  advocate for gifted children and also blogs at  Gifted Parenting Support. Lisa can be contacted at: gtchatmod@gmail.com

Links:

The Five Types of Impostor Syndrome and How to Beat Them

Feeling like an Impostor? You Can Escape this Confidence-Sapping Syndrome

Is Imposter Syndrome a Sign of Greatness?

The Impostor Phenomenon (pdf)

The Dangers of Feeling Like a Fake

You’re Not Fooling Anyone

The Impostor Phenomenon: Differential Effects of Parenting and the Big-Five Personality Traits (pdf)

7 Coping Strategies to Overcome Impostor Syndrome

The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It (Amazon)

Beating the Impostor Syndrome (Amazon)

The Curious Case of Impostor Syndrome

What Is Impostor Syndrome?

Sprite’s Site: Gifted Island – Testing, testing …

Sprite’s Site: Pleading the Pink Slipper

7 Ways Teachers Can Push Past Imposter Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome.com

Photo courtesy of Pixabay  CC0 Creative Commons

Graphic courtesy of Lisa Conrad.

Understanding the Gifted Introvert

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A simple explanation of introversion is ‘choosing solitude above socializing’. Introverts are keen observers, innovators, fiercely loyal, and empathetic. They possess many qualities associated with giftedness and don’t conform to societal norms; preferring to make their own rules as do those thought of as gifted.

Introverts appreciate a simpler life; planning and reflecting on new ways of doing things. They encourage others to develop self-reflection and think before acting. (Jung) Introverts seek depth and intimacy in relationships often leading to longer lasting and meaningful connections.

What are some of the myths about introverts? It’s a myth that introversion and shyness are the same thing. One is a choice; the other is not. To think it’s all or nothing is also a myth. According to Francesca Gino, “Personality traits, like introversion and extroversion, exist along a continuum.”

What are the downsides to believing in the extrovert/introvert dichotomy? It “traps us in stereotypes that affect how we interact with others. If you self-identify with one personality type, you risk ignoring behaviors or needs you may have.” (Gino)

Adults can help an introverted gifted child to better adapt to social situations. If a gifted child struggles with introversion; take a deep dive into what it is and is not. If they don’t feel it’s an issue; leave them alone. Adults can also provide gifted kids with strategies to adapt their introversion to their surroundings. Teachers, too, can make the gifted classroom a sanctuary for their introverted gifted students. (Byrd) A transcript may be found at Storify.

Global #gtchat Powered by the Texas Association for the Gifted and Talented  is a weekly chat on Twitter. Join us Tuesdays at 8E/7C/6M/5P in the U.S. and Wednesdays at 1 PM NZST/11 AM AEST/1 AM UK  to discuss current topics in the gifted community and meet experts in the field. Transcripts of our weekly chats can be found at Storify. Our Facebook Page provides information on the chat and news & information regarding the gifted community. Also, checkout our Pinterest Page and Playlist on YouTube.

Head Shot 2014-07-14  About the authorLisa Conrad is the Moderator of Global #gtchat Powered        by TAGT and Social Media Manager of the Global #gtchat Community. She is a longtime  advocate for gifted children and also blogs at  Gifted Parenting Support. Lisa can be contacted at: gtchatmod@gmail.com

Links:

Introversion: The Often Forgotten Factor Impacting the Gifted

The Top 10 Myths about Introverts

How Parents Can Help Introverts Thrive

Why Socializing Drains Introverts More Than Extroverts

Introvert or Extrovert? Here’s Another Way to Think about Your Personality

Popularity, Similarity, and the Network Extraversion Bias (pdf)

Teaching Introverts Is Different

Spending Time Alone Might Be the Best Way to Rest, According to Science

Introverts Don’t Hate People, They Hate Shallow Socializing

7 Reasons to Be Proud to Be an Introvert

People Love To Identify As “Introverts” But What Does That Term Actually Mean?

Embracing Introversion: Ways to Stimulate Reserved Students in the Classroom

10 Illustrations that Sum Up What Life is like for Introverts

The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World (Amazon)

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (Amazon)

Sidetracked: Why Our Decisions Get Derailed & How We Can Stick to the Plan

Sidetracked: Why Our Decisions Get Derailed and How We Can Stick to the Plan (Amazon)

Hiding in the Bathroom: An Introvert’s Roadmap to Getting Out There (Amazon)

Cybraryman’s Introverted Children Page

The Gifted Introvert (#gtchat)

The Gifted Introvert (2002)

After the Show: The Many Faces of the Performer (SB Kaufman)

“Make Your Class Cozy for Gifted Introverts”  (Ian Byrd)

Live Your Life from the Front Seat: Accomplish Magnificent Things in Your Life, Relationships and Career (Amazon)

Photo courtesy of Pixabay   CC0 Creative Commons

Graphic courtesy of Lisa Conrad

From Tweens to Teens – Making the Transition

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Asynchronous development plays a role in age-peer relations for gifted tweens and teens. Middle school is often a time for making new friends and testing boundaries. Maturity levels greatly affect age-peer relations. Gifted high school students may approach relationships in an adult manner before they’re ready.

Family dynamics also plays a major role in the transition from tween to teen. Parents need to recognize peer influence and provide opportunities for gifted kids to socialize outside of school. Understand that gifted tweens and teens are under more stress to achieve and to compete during the middle school and high school years.

Should gifted services be ‘subject to change’ once students leave elementary school? Giftedness does not begin in 2nd grade & end in 6th; it continues across the lifespan. Gifted services are even more important as gifted students enter middle and high school. They need MORE support; not less.

What should gifted education look like in middle school and high school? Cooperative learning stressed in general education can have inherent limitations for gifted students and exacerbate anxiety for them. Flexible grouping based on ability should be considered as students enter secondary education; pair students with intellectual peers.

Schools have a responsibility to provide guidance to gifted students facing social-emotional issues during the middle to high school transition. The general school population may have very different social-emotional needs at these ages; all should be served. Failure to meet social-emotional needs of middle and high school gifted students in transition can lead to major societal issues later on.

Adults can inspire gifted tweens and teens to develop their gifts and talents. Parents and professionals can serve as role models for gifted tweens and teens. Adults can participate as mentors and career counselors for gifted students as they explore passions and ways to utilize talents. A transcript may be found at Storify.

Global #gtchat Powered by the Texas Association for the Gifted and Talented  is a weekly chat on Twitter. Join us Tuesdays at 8E/7C/6M/5P in the U.S. and Wednesdays at 1 PM NZST/11 AM AEST/Midnight UK to discuss current topics in the gifted community and meet experts in the field. Transcripts of our weekly chats can be found at Storify. Our Facebook Page provides information on the chat and news & information regarding the gifted community. Also, checkout our Pinterest Page and Playlist on YouTube.

Head Shot 2014-07-14  About the authorLisa Conrad is the Moderator of Global #gtchat Powered        by TAGT and Social Media Manager of the Global #gtchat Community. She is a longtime  advocate for gifted children and also blogs at  Gifted Parenting Support. Lisa can be contacted at: gtchatmod@gmail.com

Links:

Educating Gifted Students in Middle School, 2nd Ed: A Practical Guide (Amazon)

Keepin’ It Real as a 2e Parent

Back Off, Mom & Dad! Fostering Independence in Middle Schoolers

Disorganized Student: Organizing Tips for Middle Schoolers

Parenting Middle Schoolers: 6 Things that Worked for Me

Status of High School Gifted Programs 2013 (pdf)

Gifted (the Movie) Discussion Guide (pdf)

The Handbook of Secondary Gifted Education 2005 (Amazon)

The Efficacy of AP Programs for Gifted Students

How to Raise a Smarter Child, According to Parents of Gifted Kids

Mentoring Gifted Children: It Takes a Village

7 Tips for Parenting Tweens and Teens

Show and Tell – Preparing Gifted Tweens and Teens for the Future

Sprite’s Site: Do you grow out of giftedness?

Cybraryman’s Asynchronous Development Page

Sprite’s Site: Talkfest

Teen Learning Lab

Cybraryman’s Social and Emotional Learning Page

Empathy: Healing the Awkward Heart

Cybraryman’s The Brain and Brain Games Page

What to Say When Other People Interfere with Your Parenting

Photo courtesy of Pixabay CC0 Creative Commons

Graphic courtesy of Lisa Conrad.

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