Guest, Pamela Price, Author of “Gifted, Bullied, Resilient: A Brief Guide for Smart Families “
Posted by gtchatmod
This week on #gtchat we welcomed Pamela Price, author of Gifted, Bullied, Resilient: A Brief Guide for Smart Families. This marks the 7th book in the Perspectives in Gifted Homeschooling Series from Gifted Homeschoolers Forum and Pamela’s second book in the series. Her first book was the very popular, How to Work and Homeschool: Practical Advice, Tips and Strategies from Parents. Other titles in the GHF Press series may be found here. Pamela’s blog, “Red, White and Grew with Pamela Price” can be found here.
We first examined ‘why’ gifted kids are bullied. It was a general consensus that gifted kids are seen as ‘different’ and misunderstood. Pamela told us that the “reasons are as varied as individuals, but gifted kids are bullied for “difference” including social and intellectual variance.” Lisa Lauffer of Artisan of Creative Miracles pointed out that “If they’ve skipped a grade, they’re younger and smaller than others, making them easy targets.” Tracy Fisher, TAGT Board Member and Coppell ISD School Board member, added that often “they aren’t as socially savvy” and this, too, leads to bullying. Jo Freitag of Gifted Resources in Australia also mentioned that “gifted kids often have different
interests, mannerisms, vocabulary and sensitivities – prime targets for bullies.” Corin Goodwin, Executive Director of Gifted Homeschoolers Forum, made the astute observation that we must not forget that the bully is often the victim of bullying and needs help as well.
Next, we discussed how adults can help gifted kids rise above bullying to become emotionally stronger and more self-assured. Pamela emphasized that “ALL adult stakeholders (parents, educators) must 1st become more aware of and articulate about social skills. They must think proactively about and teach social skills development. Adults also need to ‘rip off the Bandaid’ and discuss OUR experiences (past and present) with interpersonal aggression.” Mary Lovell said that “educators must differentiate for these kids…help them find their own “social place!” Madeline Goodwin told us that adults need to “give tools [to gifted kids] to handle situations – including an exit strategy for circumstances e.g. class and playgroups.”
How can parents model self-care and resilience; and why is this important? Pamela point out that “we need to stop dismissing our own pain. We need to open up, articulate things, and show the path forward. Parental self-care is essential for family well-being; especially with gifted kids and adults. We must first redefine self-care; not manicures and pedicures, but self-compassion, nurturing intellect, mind-body, etc. Kids and teens look to parents FIRST for social skills models. Self-compassion and care IS part of that. Without true self-compassion, we lack empathy and caring. Risks for negative behaviors then RISE and we lack fuel to manage outcomes. Parents must see themselves as deserving of care and capable of rebound and boundary setting; kids are watching, learning, and absorbing.”
Then, we turned our attention to the role mindfulness plays in supporting a child’s emotional growth. Pamela told us we need to “contrast poised ‘mindful’ with erratic ‘mindless.’ The first is CRITICAL for optimal life experiences. The second will lead to self sabotage. Mindfulness is critical to managing emotions and positive social interaction; especially with overexcitabilities or most social skills deficits. Mindfulness practice nurtures self-acceptance and compassion. It avoids positive/negative hyperbolic self talk.”
At what point is it time to call a therapist? From Pamela:
- If there are signs of PTSD or other trauma
- If a child or family needs help nurturing positive social skills, a competent therapist can be a great help
- Extra consideration for a good therapist should be given if bullying is adult to child. Help build bridge to other adults
Finally, we discussed what steps parents should take in dealing with school bullying and why haven’t zero-tolerance policies worked. “In the school setting, approach is step-wise and up the hierarchy,” said Pamela. She went on to say, “this can work for or against a parent’s confidence. Parental composure is VITAL. No slamming the school or other kids publicly on social media. [If there is] illegal activity, call the police. There is a sample in the book of an email template for dealing with schools. Zero tolerance is a hammer. Real change comes via patience, practice, social change; Learn the difference between “meanness” and “bullying.” A transcript of this week’s chat can be found at Storify.
PLEASE NOTE: Next week’s #gtchat will be at a special day but same time, on Thursday, July 23rd at 7E/6C/5M/4P. We will be LIVE from this year’s Annual SENG Conference in Denver, CO. Our guests will be from the Bright Not Broken Lorna Wing Institute of America and we’ll be chatting about twice-exceptional kids.
Global #gtchat Powered by the Texas Association for the Gifted and Talented is a weekly chat on Twitter. Join us Fridays at 7E/6C/5M/4P in the U.S., Midnight in the UK and Saturdays 11 AM NZST/9 AM AEST to discuss current topics in the gifted community and meet experts in the field. Transcripts of our weekly chats can be found at Storify. Our Facebook Page provides information on the chat and news & information regarding the gifted community. Also, checkout our Pinterest Page and Playlist on YouTube.
About the author: Lisa Conrad is the Moderator of Global #gtchat Powered by TAGT and Social Media Manager of the Global #gtchat Community. She is a longtime advocate for gifted children and also blogs at Gifted Parenting Support. Lisa can be contacted at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Gifted Kids, Cyberbullying & Dig Citizenship: Resources for Parents via @jadeannrivera
If This is a Gift, Can I Send it Back? (Amazon) via @laughingatchaos
Title graphic courtesy of Lisa Conrad.
Posted on July 21, 2015, in Bullying, Emotional intensity, family, Homeschooling, Mental Health, parenting, Social Media, Teens and tagged bullying, Gifted Homeschoolers Forum, gtchat, Pamela Price, resilience, TAGT, Twitter. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.
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